What is the difference between self-respect and ego? How can I judge if somebody is hurting my self-respect or hurting my ego?

What's Ego?

The ego is a person's sense of self, which includes their thoughts, feelings, and self-esteem. It's also a part of the human personality that interacts with the outside world through perception.

In psychology

Psychoanalytic theory

The ego is one of three parts of the psyche, along with the id and superego. The ego acts as a mediator between the id and reality, helping the id satisfy its needs.

Humanistic psychology

The ego is a tool for self-expression, self-discovery, and self-actualization. It can help people fulfill their potential and achieve a sense of self-actualization.

In general

A healthy ego can boost self-confidence and help people overcome their fears.

The ego can also be a way for people to justify their actions and place in the world.

The ego can be modified by direct influences.

The ego works by reason, waiting for gratification and satisfaction to avoid negative consequences.

Difference between Ego and Self Respect 

Self-respect is a healthy sense of your own worth, based on your values and principles, while ego is an inflated sense of self-importance, often stemming from insecurity and a need for external validation, which can lead to behaviors that disregard others' feelings and boundaries; essentially, self-respect is about knowing your value without needing to prove it to others, while ego is about needing to appear superior to others to feel good about yourself. 

How to tell if someone is hurting your self-respect vs. your ego:

• Self-respect:

  If someone is consistently disregarding your needs, opinions, or boundaries, making you feel undervalued or disrespected, they might be hurting your self-respect. 
• Ego:

  If someone is criticizing you in a way that feels overly personal, trying to put you down to elevate themselves, or refusing to acknowledge your perspective, they are likely targeting your ego. 

Key differences:

• Focus:

  Self-respect is inward-focused, valuing your own well-being and integrity, while ego is outward-focused, seeking to appear superior to others. 
• Reaction to criticism:

  When your self-respect is challenged, you might feel hurt but can still be open to feedback and self-reflection; when your ego is challenged, you might become defensive, angry, or dismissive. 
• Impact on relationships:

  Self-respect allows for healthy boundaries and mutual respect in relationships, while ego can lead to power struggles and conflict. 

Example scenarios:

• Self-respect hurt:

  A partner constantly cancels plans at the last minute without considering your feelings, making you feel like your time isn't valued.
• Ego hurt:

  A colleague publicly criticizes your idea in a meeting, seemingly to undermine your credibility and make themselves look better. 

Why people keep Ego?

People have egos primarily as a protective mechanism to maintain a sense of self-worth and identity, shielding them from feeling vulnerable or inadequate by creating a perception of their own importance; essentially, it acts as a defense against potential threats to their self-esteem, often stemming from past experiences or societal influences.

Key points about the ego:

• Self-preservation:The ego helps individuals feel confident and capable, allowing them to navigate the world with a sense of agency.
• Social influence:The ego can be shaped by how others perceive and interact with us, leading to a desire to be seen in a positive light.
• Negative aspects:When an ego becomes inflated or overly dominant, it can lead to arrogance, self-centeredness, and difficulty accepting criticism.
• Psychological perspective:In Freudian psychology, the ego acts as a mediator between the impulsive "id" and the moral "superego".

Factors contributing to a large ego:

• Childhood experiences:Positive reinforcement or excessive praise from parents can contribute to an inflated ego.
• Trauma:Experiencing negative events can sometimes lead people to develop a protective ego as a coping mechanism.
• Social status:Individuals in positions of power or with high social standing may develop a larger ego due to the attention they receive.

Does Success brings Ego?

Yes, success can often contribute to an inflated ego, as achieving goals can sometimes lead to an excessive sense of self-importance; "success" is the accomplishment of a goal or desired outcome, while "ego" refers to one's self-perception and sense of self-worth, which can become overly inflated when someone experiences significant achievement, blurring the line between healthy confidence and arrogance.

Key points to understand the relationship between success and ego:

• Positive aspects of ego:A healthy ego can provide the necessary drive and confidence to pursue goals and achieve success; it can fuel ambition and motivation.
• Negative aspects of ego:When an ego becomes inflated, it can lead to arrogance, lack of empathy, difficulty accepting criticism, and a tendency to prioritize self-image over genuine accomplishment.
• Distinguishing success from ego:True success is often measured by the positive impact one makes, the growth achieved, and the ability to acknowledge the contributions of others, while ego is primarily focused on self-aggrandizement and external validation.

Definition of terms:

• Success:The attainment of a desired goal or outcome, often measured by personal standards or societal expectations.
• Ego:In psychology, the part of the personality that mediates between primal urges and the conscience, often associated with one's sense of self-importance and self-esteem.

How to keep your Ego in check?

Here are 4 ways to fight your ego:

1. Don't compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself with others is something your ego will always do. ...
2. Always stay a student. Put yourself in rooms where you are the least knowledgeable person. ...
3. Never complain. ...
4. Surrender your need for control.

They work if you work them.

1. Adopt the beginner's mindset. ...
2. Focus on the effort — not the outcome. ...
3. Choose purpose over passion. ...
4. Shun the comfort of talking and face the work. ...
5. Kill your pride before you lose your head. ...
6. Stop telling yourself a story — there is no grand narrative. ...
7. Learn to manage (yourself and others).